If you have been struggling in your relationships, your first step may be to go to the library or bookstore and gather some self-help books. These books on relationships and relational skills can certainly be helpful. However, they are not a replacement for relationship therapy. Here are some ways in which relationship therapy can be more effective than self-help books.
1. Therapy gives you a chance to express yourself.
When you are reading self-help books, you are only taking in information. That information can certainly be useful. However, the book doesn't give you a chance to put out information or, in other words, express yourself and your own emotions. So many relationship problems have to do with frustration and not feeling heard, so being able to express and explain how you feel is a necessary step in the healing and improvement process. With a therapist, you have a safe space to do this. You can talk and express your feelings, and you can have them acknowledged by a human being — your therapist. Even the best self-help book cannot acknowledge your feelings.
2. Therapy is a source of customized advice.
Often, when you read a self-help book, you will find that some of the advice within applies to your situation. But you may find that some of the other advice does not quite feel on-point, leaving you wondering whether you should really follow it or not. Therapy, on the other hand, is completely customized. Your therapist will give you specific advice related to your unique relationship and relational difficulties. You won't be left wondering what advice to take and what advice to discard.
3. Therapy supplies you with continual feedback.
If you try something you read about in a self-help book and it doesn't work, you never really get any answers or feedback as to why. But in therapy, your therapist will give you some things to try. You can go home and try them with your partner, and then during your next session, you can tell your therapist how it went. Based on your account, the therapist can then tell you if there are other ways you improve, more things you can do differently, or other approaches you and your partner may want to try. Relationship therapy is an ever-improving process, whereas following along with a self-help book is a one-and-done approach.
While reading self-help books about relationships can be educational and helpful, this is no substitution for therapy. If your relationship is suffering, you can rely on a therapist to help.
Share